Just A Few Steps More

times like this are mad crazy. the urge to just go to sleep is very strong. i can just go render the panels like shit and get it done with quickly, but that just won't do. i'm trying hard not to settle for second rate work and effort. so right now, sacrifices should be made. all of our group mates are sacrificing their time and energy. so should i. we want to do the best we can.

times like this, the only strong thing i keep reminding myself is my father. all the 3 years here, i tried my best to do the best i could just for my father. everything i did, subconsciously i feel its all mostly for my father.

i made a promise to myself when i enrolled here not to make him cry again. he did just that when i flunked at Uniten. For my father to cry, it must have been the greatest disappointment to him.

i hope for the past 3 years he would feel okay a bit. i think i did good. but could be better.

in this i also learned something else. the pressure to do the best for my father all the time made me realize that there is no other way towards success but by pure hardwork and dedication. i dedicated most of my 3 years here towards hardwork and i will not stop now.

i really really hope i can repay my father in the future. i want him to be happy. i dont care if i sound cheesy or corny, thats what i truely feel. im really remorseful for not taking things seriously before. im really remorseful that i had not realized things were not all for your enjoyment. u can't just play around all the time and expect to get results.

now im just trying to push myself further. do more. do things better. try harder. i can only hope God wills it that in roughly a year i will graduate. and only God knows how happy and relieved i will be at that point of time. i may just cry myself.

i know deep down in my heart, that all this hard labor and struggle will be worthed in the end. with Allah's blessing, i would really hope to ace all my remaining subjects.

im not thinking straight right now and my sentences are getting crappier and my typing is getting clunkier.

just a bit more just a bit more just a bit more...