Lessons from Last 7 Days

Last week was a really eventful week, in terms of emotionally and intellectually. Lots of things happened and made me really think of things. Things about life, about other people, people who we care about, friends that are always there for us, new friends, about self and about goals in life.

I've learnt that no matter what you do in life, you cannot try to please everyone. Everyone thinks differently, perceives life in a different perspective, has different upbringing and environment, different level of ego and what not. We may think that everything is good and smooth running, whereas in reality, some are disturbed and absolutely hate us for various unknown reasons. I absolutely freak out and don't like it when the reality hits me that someone for some reasons hate my guts or something. It makes you feel "what have i done wrong?". It lingers in your mind and stays all the time. It also forces you to spend time to reflect on your ownself, whether you are the person you always thought you are, or whether you are living in a bubble, high and diluted from the absolute reality of what others think of you.

You then start to feel "what can i do to change" , "what's my fault?" , "what am i oblivious about?" "do i need to change the way i talk?" "the way i look at others?" and after a while, the answers comes and hits you straight to your face. You start to feel they are some stuff that needs changing, some stuff that are wrong and etc. A little bit self-reflection is nice once in a while. It keeps you in check of what kind of person are you turning out to be. Are you on track. Are you already long derailed. So i feel an apology is needed to everyone that have been hurt or absolutely dislike me for what i am. So sorry.

But behind every apology, there also needs to be self-respect. Not just purely caressing other people's ego just to be on their good side. Belief in what you are doing is right. Self confidence. Not only you yourself have to think about self-reflection, others around you also do. No one is perfect. No one.

I also learnt that close friends are the gem of life. Besides family, friends are what it takes to carry on life. My housemates are my closest friends right now. And a few classmates. It gives me pleasure to see them happy and doing good in their lives. When the world wants to eat you up, its friends that show up looking happy and not having a single worry on their face to save your day. It helps to have funny ones. The one who cracks up jokes every time they talk.

What really disappointed me this week is the realization that I'm going far away from what I set out to do coming here. The motivation to learn and get good grades and be a better person was fading away. I kept thinking and caring about stuff that dont do shit for me in the future and focused on that until it drained me out. My mindset was shifted for a while. I hope this week marks the end of it. I really want to have the enthusiasm that I used to when I was in alpha. The wants and urges to keep on going and be a better person, be the best in what you do. I hope that this new resolution stays inside of me for a long time, and everytime I read this post again I remember what's the most important thing to do right now. Other things can take a back seat for a while.

And finally, what i've learnt this week is that negativity sucks. I don't want to live my life thinking of hate and anger all the time. Thinking of things that are out of your control. Worrying and wallowing about it. Its just a waste of time. Need to focus on things that are within your area of influence. Something that you yourself can change and alter. Something that you can exert influence and input. Take action.